While I have been lucky enough to have acquired a part-time job for the summer, the gaps in between working days, while having allowed me to make decent progress on my book, have caused me to think too much about the past. I think that for some of us the past can haunt, and I am no exception. The feeling is a murky feeling, and tends to follow me around and cause me to drag, as though segments of broken cement were attached to my feet when walking. At first I had to ponder the effect that the past has on my current state of affairs, and I saw that the aspect of the past has an important bearing on the decisions I make today. After a while, however, the thoughts began to wear on me and give me the strange feeling that some of these aspects were influencing my present situation in a negative way. I think I was needlessly experiencing feelings of shame and guilt over things that had happened long ago that I had already run my emotions through the wringer on. Living alone, having career issues, being single, and a crippling disability have no doubt contributed to this reoccurrence of disruptive emotions, but I have to understand that the way I think, what I allow to infiltrate into my mind, assumes a part of the responsibility for these thoughts as well.
Dr. Wayne Dyer talks of “mind-viruses,” viruses of thought that produce a negative mindset that once initiated, seem to replicate, reproduce, and even spiral out of control. In the explanation and definition of mind-virus I couldn’t agree with more. In fact, the removal of some of the mind-viruses that used to clog my mind I attribute to the recognition of such, but somehow, someway, sometimes my mind slips by the magnitude of daily living, or lack of, and these viruses somehow manage to sneak back into my train of thought as though I contracted the flu in the middle of winter.
Armed with this knowledge of mind-viruses, these psychological traps of crippling thought, I can now focus on how to get the ball rolling for the tasks that I face. I can’t allow myself to get stuck thinking that I am somehow unworthy or that I am something that I’m not, despite the adverse state of affairs that plague my life. Mind-viruses are infectious, even running rampant through society in some cases, and I like the fact I have stumbled upon Dr. Dyer’s analogy. What I need to do is realize the place and intent of these viruses with circumspection, and maybe enlist the help of some daily reminder that being happily human requires a bit of mental effort to keep the dogs from chewing on my mood.
With regard to the past, I have to remember that it is where it belongs: in the past. I may not be wholly innocent nor guilty of some of the events that occurred, and I’m certainly in no control over the outcome that arose in the wake of such events; but I am in control over what I allow myself to think today and in the now. The past is there for a reason and I wouldn’t be a human being if I didn’t have some sort of past. I can either choose to let the past rule me, or I can choose to live my life according to the experience and lessons learned that the past has dictated. Therefore, if I can remember to keep my guard up and not let misperceptions affect me, I have a better shot at achieving my goals without distractions. I can also remember that should I encounter one of these nasty little viruses again, I can always break out the mental medicine sooner and allow myself to heal quicker lest I get caught dragging around those heavy cement pieces for any unnecessary or prolonged duration of time.