I think it’s a fair hypothesis and common assumption that people are naturally spiritual. Robots are not spiritual. Sometimes I wish I was a robot, and when the pressure of my thoughts dig in to my psyche, with regard for the road that has brought me thus far, I have not the slightest urge to participate in life; I just want to shut down. I believe this is the result of a few causes that can be easily enough identified, but among these, I think that a lack of being spiritual is a necessary inclusion. Being spiritual lifts the weight of the conscience and serves to allow the spirit to breathe more easily. I’ve neglected my spirituality for the purpose of coming to terms with an agnosticism that will never recede with me, yet as time goes by, I’m learning that sheer, self-reliance can be a bit of a chore, primarily for people who are unluckily hyper-sensitive, like I am for some accursed reason.
If I spend my time doing what I’ve done for the past two years, engorging myself in studies, then it’s the summertime dilemma of not having that programmed scholarly agenda to carry me through the hours: I came to rely on studious labor to fill a gap that can’t be filled with such. Now I’ve managed to push myself through a part-time job and I’ve carried on fairly well with some of my personal projects, but I’m missing a few things in my life that may be detracting from my inspiration, a detail that to the contrary, may actually be inciting a different kind of inspiration.
That being said, I have a choice as to how I intend to conduct my life as I face the years pressing on, and my choice for embracing a spiritual path to help ease the torture of being human leans ever more toward the philosophies of the Orient. Other religions are too magical and “miracle” based with deities and entities I tend to identify with myth, though I’ve always been a bit in wonderment of the Christ figure. The prospect of “energies” is an entirely different matter, however, and I include the virtues of truth and love as types of energy that can have an effect upon the human conscience.
While many segments of Oriental belief include such practices as attending to the spirits of the ancestors, I think this type of spirituality has a different ring than having an almighty “boss-god” that deals with you and how you act. Maybe I have a problem with authority, or maybe I’m just stubborn. Ultimately, I don’t believe in spirits or an all-encompassing entity, as I do the power of spirituality within a living, breathing human being.
One thing is certain, a gut feeling does exist as well, and to deny a gut feeling is to pay a price, one that is generally undesirable to one extreme or the other, and what my gut feeling is telling me after some years of bumping around along this life path, is that my particular situation is calling for some spiritual attention. How I go about this will be interesting, and I will most likely end up grasping onto a type of spirituality I can mold and embrace for myself, though I have no intention of initiating a new religion. Oh yeah, I can see it now, “LKwinterism” has taken root. Nevertheless, I’m beginning to see that the human condition has a spiritual need such that, when neglected, can reap unsavory consequences.
I used to be spiritual in a different sense, clinging to the possibility that a ghost may be lurking in the cemetery I lived behind, or that maybe someone I knew could actually read my mind and predict the future, or that if someone combined the correct assortment of dried frog legs and crushed worm guts with the strand of someone’s hair, a spell could be cast. While I’ve come to regard this type of activity as folly, I’ve let myself grow in enough agnosticism and atheism to see myself practicing a more mature adaptation of tending to the soul. I can see myself as a spiritual being without having to believe in the supernatural, and I see this happening as a result of being so anti-spiritual over the past few years. What I’m encountering is that by not allowing the spiritual nature of my being to breath easy, I find certain aspects of my life more difficult than they have to be. So I think the obvious stands: Why choose a path out of intellectual belligerence for the sheer purpose of being existentially correct all the while being slightly miserable along the way, when I can open my mind to what so many have discovered and attain a measure of inner peace?
The discipline thing? We’ll have to work on that next.