Being somewhat settled after a hectic move while anticipating the onset of instruction, I liken unto what it must be like flying a weather plane in the eye of a hurricane. I feel a peace that is disquieting, and I know that soon I will be plunged into hours of research and writing. Wait a minute, I’ve been researching and writing all summer, but there’s a difference with deadlines and the aspect of having a teacher judge at the end of it all.
But if it’s of any consolation, I’m getting myself amply prepared for the endeavor.
Actually, I have a few essays on deck, but I’m finding blogging to be the most unique of contradictions in that, I lose valuable time writing fiction when blogging, but I gain knowledge and stay in touch with the internet world when I make a post, whether or not I’ve got a massive audience. But my entire life is one gigantic series of contradictions, so there’s nothing new here. I’m finding the more things I hope to get done, the less time I have to do them. My goal, however, is to start querying agents during Christmas vacation; yes I’ve finally come around, and this is another reason, aside from Halloween being so close, that I left a sample on the post below.
This bike ride is insane in that, I finally have mountains to look at! The road is as bland as a piece of sandpaper though, but that doesn’t change the fact that when I see this particular mountain range, the memories come flooding in. Just on the other side of the range lies a great, manmade lake called Lake Berryessa, a lake that I declare I’ve had many experiences, most of them good. The woods are generally all brown with Oak trees all over the place, and the lake is often low from drought, but this doesn’t stop party-going folk from pulling out the beach towels up on to the rocks to take in some sun, maybe get plastered and do a little swimming. The road to get there is winding and dangerous and one has to forever watch for the drunk drivers, but ultimately, if someone can afford a houseboat, or doesn’t mind hot, dry grass surrounding them while barbecuing, the lake is alright. There’s a city submerged at the bottom of the lake with who knows, maybe a few watery ghosts swimming around.
I had hoped to be spending the last few days of the summer doing some other things, like working more on the fiction…and sleeping, but the boss is insistent that I work to finish up a project that got started. I swear, my need for money has screwed more things and caused me to postpone so many goals I’d hope to accomplish that it makes me sick (yes, I consider sleeping a goal). I had a band once, and since the rent kept haunting me, I collected what I could from band members, and spent the rest of the time working. I got a job miles away soon enough, and it got to the point where the band members were sitting around late at night waiting for me to get home so we could practice. I was too tired, said we’d do it next day, went to work the next day, then said the same damn thing next night. Whatever, life is a bag of rocks on Halloween as Charlie Brown would discover.
So now I’m getting ready to sleep so I can go work tomorrow because the pain continues, and the money is never enough. Isn’t this all so exciting to read about? In fact, I’m trying to juggle so much that I think, quite possibly, this is the fastest post I’ve ever just blurted out off the top of my head–was any of this even comprehendible?
And of course, no matter where I go, the infantile is impossible to escape.