Resolutions

1. To work harder.

2. To be more involved.

3. To lose my addiction to caffeine.

It’s not a very extensive list, but why flatter myself with unrealities. Fact is, most of the things I’ve resolved to start or stop doing in the past, I did at random times throughout the years. My most famous resolutions I’ve stuck to are: stopped chewing my nails; stopped drinking alcohol; stopped drinking milk.

The nail chewing thing was funny because I was an old man on my first few days back to college, and my English teacher remarked: “…and you know those other childish habits, like chewing your nails and stuff…,” I quit instantly for some reason when I heard this, and I should probably examine myself for any other childish things that might be lurking about my psyche. The alcohol was simple when I realized I didn’t enjoy alcohol any more, and the milk was simple enough when I realized what a bloated tub I felt like when I drank it.

So here comes the caffeine thing, but I don’t have to wait until New Year’s to start quitting because I already quit. This is difficult because I LOVE MY CAFFEINE (I say as I grind my teeth down to nothing from drinking so much), but I’m not altogether certain there is value in drinking caffeine any longer; I may resume at a later date (or I may fail to quit), but for now I’m cruising without.

What I think I’d like to try is to be mostly attentive to No. 2 on the list, since I feel this is a way to expand friendships. What worries me is the exhaustion level that may arise, and the time that “being involved” might detract from my creative efforts that already occupy time that is subsequent to my studies. Yes, I posted a silly story about an emotionally drained demon, but my unseen, unpublished creative works are utterly nothing like that story, and require intense thought and rewrites; work that takes time that probably explains my limited relationships now. Sacrifice is a part of friendship, however, and so I must begin to examine what the end result of this meandering path my life is bumbling along on may turn out to be. Truthfully though, the motive behind No. 2 is that I’m so moved by the effort I see unfolding here at UCD that I’m feeling a strong need to give back by participating; this and the fact that my career path is beginning to unfold. I don’t have much time left, and I was robbed of much of my years, so I’m thinking carefully about what lies ahead, and hopefully the best will unfold.

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