These are my spur of the moments feelings, so they are bound to lie…somewhere in between a positive and a negatively charged definition. How I feel is always bound to be alien to the normal world, so I am thinking the unexpected and predictable is also a good way to categorize what I may relay in this essay.
I just went outside to check the temperature and beheld a perfect shot of the Big Dipper. While the air finally feels cooler and I can turn off the AC, I also realize my intense love affair with astronomy every time I look up at the stars. Why am I here, oh beautiful stars in the sky? I love the idea of Quasars and Black Holes because they are so immense to just ponder and attempt to fathom, but I’ve also had an idea brewing for a post on proto-galactic stars. Now that I’ve mentioned it, I’ve blown the surprise, but nevertheless, the accumulation of small bits of matter that compress and grow and compress and grow and compress until a massive explosion occurs that produces what is known as a star, is fascinating to me.
Before computers, I kept my mind occupied with guitar scales, and hooking up with friends. When computers came and friends disappeared, but before the internet, I used my computer with a music program that produced and replayed sheet music as I commanded. Eventually, I subscribed to the internet, and now I don’t even mess with music anymore. The things I really want to do musically require a minimum of a jam room and about $5,000 in decent equipment, so I can’t be realistic about music. I have my church songs I can always play on my acoustic. Writing keeps me alive now, and for that I am just as grateful.
I rode heavily on the bike again today, and so this is a recurring theme that will never go away. Now that is a good thing. My blood pressure is relatively healthy and I’m really only about 15lbs overweight. I can fix that when I get a kitchen and I become able to desist from eating fast food. Fast food is disgusting after a while.
Writing classes have resumed and I’m finding this teacher to be exceptionable compared to others. A brilliant woman from India, she holds a PhD in British Literature, and she breaks down the skill of writing like I love. I can’t wait to be motivated to finish my own projects. However, I won’t let happiness elude me. There are times when I do feel happy, and I will post about them when they occur. As for my writing projects, well, I have to put down the blog and get to the word processor now, right?
Actually, up to about a month ago I couldn’t figure out how to synthesize the first four chapters of my novel, then I suddenly had an epiphany. Motivation and reality is what I need to finish. Motivation and reality. (And some editing…)
The weight of living is torturous. On the one hand, living somewhere that is inexpensive comes replete with violence, drunkenness, noisy neighbors and loud SUVs with their profuse blasting hip-hop music, and on the other, living somewhere that is expensive is nice, and utterly financially demoralizing to someone who can’t afford it. And to top it all off, guess how many 18th Century authors I read about who died in hiding and diseased and in debt? I guess I’m out to set the record straight.