Filtering and channeling and filtering and channeling. Thoughts are like modes of energy that can be transformed into a purpose, a product. I started blogging when I read a blog about a girl who posts her entire life on her blog daily since 1999. Every thought she’s ever had, is on that blog. Known as a “webrity,” she has actually done quite well for herself, she has figured out a way to make income divulging her personal life. The way I see it, whatever thought I am having then, means I am having the thoughts of a human being, and so they can’t be that far out of touch from understanding, so what is the point of hiding them?
I say “filter and channel” because of the way in which I have to separate the thoughts I can use from the ones that do not help at all. Habitual thinking has to be learned and unlearned and takes practice…recognition and practice. I guess the frustration arises from my status in life, but in this way I have a chance to develop mechanisms that allow me to feel correct no matter what I am doing, where I am at.
The one person that can destroy me the quickest is myself, and thus I need myself to be on target with a helpful attitude as much as possible. I wish I could think better, watch what I say, but I do tend to get by on nearly excellent manners. Too excellent, maybe. Doormat excellent, maybe. Sycophantic excellent, possibly. But not to where it cripples me ultimately. I realize what is being said and I recognize the need to press forward. I guess one of the things I really have to work hard at is understanding my ability to constrain how I really feel. When people insult me, or burn me, I can get intellectually hostile; but I don’t as like I used to anymore. Time is passing and I need to stay in tune with what is truly important…the next step toward reparation. If I allow outer provinces of thought to occupy space in my head, like the behavior of rude individuals or vehicles that keep breaking down, then I am losing.
One thing that will definitely happen in human nature is that if a person presents themselves in any way, shape or form as insecure or weak, they become the subject to domination; they become the subdominant. I have felt this in my insecure moments where I feel like I can’t figure something out, and I catch the look of some person who always maintains a hardened outlook, whether they’ve got the answer or not. Exhibiting weakness initiates a status contest, and therefore all humans eventually arrive at the decision to either be the weak one, or the strong one.
The 4th of July blew past like dust in the wind, and my expectations where not dissatisfied. I was not expecting anything, though I thought I was going to run into someone. At any rate, what was strange about collecting cans after the party was over was how the people watched me with my apparatus and my fast pace, crushing everything on site so that they may fit into my bag. Collecting cans has paid my car insurance for two years now, I have damn good reason. Looks from the most elite looking people marvel me when I realize they have no clue that I am on the verge of graduating from university…with honors. All they see is a man crushing smelly cans, and I can see the judging in their eyes. What do I think of this? In this case, I am with the biblical saying, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.”