I guess that’s just it: we don’t know. We only know by the chances that are blown. Are you someone that likes to take chances? I don’t know what I am, unless a comparison can be made between taking a chance and just being stupid. I think I’ve done some stupid things in my life, but insanity is defined as doing the same thing expecting different results. I hope I’m finally ascending from out of the insanity stage.
I wish I could say I’m not sure what’s going on, that the path that lies before me is murky. And that would be the truth, but I do know what is going on in many senses. I am performing some of the tasks that I need to and avoiding some of the others that I should. I’m never comfortable with this position, but one of the problems I have with going Superman on the life goals is the the pain factor…I get going on a mission, then it’s like…find a place to sit down.
I’ve made some good decisions and some progress, but there comes a point when one has to excel just a pinch…that’s the point where I always have to get down and meditate; ponder deeply, make the decision and follow through. And I never know if it’s going to work out, and according to my life data, the odds are a little awry.
I’m in the mode where I just have to have these bases covered, because there is absolutely no security in my life whatsoever. Each day a knot in my stomach grows, and I have to get going on some plan for that because I’m getting an ulcer over here. There’s no way to know, and at my age, I get so sick of that, and well, more things need to be done by me so I can be one of those people that made it to the other side. If I’m vague, that’s because I am avoiding what the reality of this life situation is leading toward. I just keep hoping it will lead to something good.