How Would We Know?

I guess that’s just it: we don’t know. We only know by the chances that are blown. Are you someone that likes to take chances? I don’t know what I am, unless a comparison can be made between taking a chance and just being stupid. I think I’ve done some stupid things in my life, but insanity is defined as doing the same thing expecting different results. I hope I’m finally ascending from out of the insanity stage.

I wish I could say I’m not sure what’s going on, that the path that lies before me is murky. And that would be the truth, but I do know what is going on in many senses. I am performing some of the tasks that I need to and avoiding some of the others that I should. I’m never comfortable with this position, but one of the problems I have with going Superman on the life goals is the the pain factor…I get going on a mission, then it’s like…find a place to sit down.

I’ve made some good decisions and some progress, but there comes a point when one has to excel just a pinch…that’s the point where I always have to get down and meditate; ponder deeply, make the decision and follow through. And I never know if it’s going to work out, and according to my life data, the odds are a little awry.

I’m in the mode where I just have to have these bases covered, because there is absolutely no security in my life whatsoever. Each day a knot in my stomach grows, and I have to get going on some plan for that because I’m getting an ulcer over here. There’s no way to know, and at my age, I get so sick of that, and well, more things need to be done by me so I can be one of those people that made it to the other side. If I’m vague, that’s because I am avoiding what the reality of this life situation is leading toward. I just keep hoping it will lead to something good.

This entry was posted in books, college, life, photography, photos, random, writing. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to How Would We Know?

  1. jnanarama says:

    I like the photos of the books. Books are comforting. They are always there, waiting just for you.

    I hate to feel like I’m being contradictory all the time… The concept of “the other side” and “getting there” is something I’m sure you realize I just tried with everything I had. There was no “other side.” Not only for me, but for some other graduates in the class ahead of us, the “other side” was not as reported.

    What we have is right now. Living for an imaginary future can be crazy-making and lead to so much discouragement… depression… I worry a bit about you, focusing 100% on the future.. How are you nurturing your “right now?”

  2. LK says:

    That is very kind of you my dear friend…you know, I think I’m just eager to get to the point where I can just throw out applications! That’s my interpretation of the other side.

    Nuturing my “right now” is a bit, eh….but your point is refreshing and well taken.

    Time for a day by the American River.

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